Twilight of the Idols
by Silver Spider
Summary: “Dear Mr. Sawyer, You don’t need to know who we are, because we are not the only ones. We are just two of the countless lives you’ve detroyed…” A SK story.
1. Part 1

**_Author's Note:_** My second Lost and second Skater fanfic. It's not linked to the first story, The Dreams of Tortured Souls, though the themes and mood is very similar. Unlike the first, this isn't a dream-walk story and there's really nothing too weired about this one. Enjoy, and once again, check my profile for a link to Island Lost, the lost RPG. Oh and there will be another chapter after this. It's not finished.

**Twilight of the Idols **

**By: Silver Spider**

"_Dear Mr. Sawyer, you don't know who I am, but I know who you are, and I know what you've done. You had sex with my mother, and then you stole my dad's money all away. So he got angry, and he killed my mother. And then he killed himself, too.All I know is your name, but one of these days I'm gonna find you, and I'm gonna give you this letter so you'll remember what you done to me. You killed my parents, Mr. Sawyer."_

When the dust had settled, the expression on Sawyer's face was completely unreadable. There were so many emotions racing within him, the southerner probably couldn't decide on which to stay with. He was absolutely irate, blood and anger pounding in his ears, but confusion, regret, and pain also played across his tanned features. He felt sic and marveled that he hadn't emptied the contents of his stomach all over the sand beach. In the end, all he could do was slowly turn around and walk into the jungle. No one stood in his way, partially out of the desire to not get involved and partially because they knew that at the moment Sawyer could explode at anyone.

Sawy… James, he's dead. I shot him… 

Five words. That was all it had taken to break a man who prided himself on not letting anything get to him. Oh how she wanted to go after him, to help him finally overcome his pain, maybe even to heal her own. Now it was too late. From the moment she'd put the pieces together, she knew those five words would either heal him or destroy him. She'd taken a risk. She lost. Maybe there was still hope for him to heal, but Kate knew for a fact that he would never speak to her again.

So she stood on the very edge of the beach, her bare feet sinking into the sand, green eyes staring into the horizon and the slowly setting sun. Her fingers kept running over the seal of the envelope that he'd thrown at her feet before stalking off into the jungle. Kate hated crying, but she couldn't stop the tears that streaked down her cheeks, so she silently let them run their course until she tasted the salt on her lips. Angry, she whipped them away.

She could sense Jack approach her before she heard his footsteps in the sand. It was funny; Kate probably lost count of how many times he'd found her this way, just standing on the beach and staring into the ocean. He could never tell what was on her mind, never guess the darkness of her past. This time he knew exactly what she was thinking about.

"James," she stated in a matter-a-fact tone, "will probably never speak to me again."

In the chaos of the past several hours, Jack completely lost track of who she was talking about. He frowned at her in confusion. "James?"

"Sawyer," she replied simply, pressing her lips together as if the name was a bad taste in her mouth, "and that's the last time I'm calling him that. It's a vile name of a vile man. He's not that man anymore, if he ever was to begin with."

"I…I'm sure that's true," Jack began, not sure how to talk to her. Kate seemed so despondent, as if she wasn't talking to him, but rather reasoning things out for herself out loud.

"He's angry," she said, arms folded under her chest as she stared out into the horizon, not bothering to turn around and look at Jack, "because I took away his revenge. Because he realized that the man he's been hunting for nearly twenty years has been dead for half that time. I honestly don't think he'll ever speak to me again."

"Then are you sorry it happened?" Jack asked carefully.

"No," Kate replied without a second of hesitation. "He was a monster who deserved to die. I'm sorry he ruined my life, and James'. I'm sorry James will never speak to me again. But I was the one who pulled the trigger, not him, and I'll always be grateful for that."

"So you're willing to go to jail for the rest of your life just to prevent Sawyer from killing a man he holds responsible for everything that went wrong in his life?" Jack sounded almost appalled at the idea. "Why do you think that you're responsible for saving him? What makes you think he wants to be saved?"

"He doesn't know what he wants," Kate agreed softly, "but I know that he and I desperately needed this closure for the past decade. Even if he hates me for the rest of his life, I'm grateful for the way things worked out."

"I don't understand," Jack admitted. "Kate, I'm trying. I really am, but I just don't understand."

"Of course not," she released a short humorless laugh, sighed pulling back her hair. "I don't expect you to, nor do I want to. Jack, you're a doctor, a healer. You can't bear the thought of taking a life. It's understandable, natural. It means you're a good man. Taking the life of another human being is an unthinkable act for you. I'm glad I killed him, because it means James won't have to.

"You see, Jack, once you take a life, nothing is ever the same again. It doesn't matter how good your reasons are for doing it, it doesn't matter if it was in revenge or self-defense. Once you pulled that trigger, there's something inside you that breaks. You loose a little peace of yourself and become somehow less than human. The tragedy is that you don't realize what it is that's haunting you. You don't realize why you feel so different, so alienated from everyone. You start thinking that maybe there's someone haunting you, so you go out into the night and find another face. And whatever any shrink says, the second or third death you're responsible for," Jack noticed that she didn't say 'person you kill,' "is no easier to get over than the first. Every time another piece of your humanity is lost. So you see, if I hadn't killed him, if James had the chance to take his revenge, he would never be able to live with himself. We're broken people, Jack, sometimes I think broken beyond repair, but I'll be damned if I let him have blood on his hands again.

"I understand you are trying to help, Jack. You're a healer; it's what you do. But you can't help me. I used to think - hope - that you could, but I finally realized you can't. I'm sorry it took so long, but you can't save me, and if you ever thought you could save James, you can't. We're beyond any help that you can give us."

Both were silent as Jack let everything she said sink in. He felt like he was on the brink of a truth he didn't want to admit. A week ago it would have made him angry and jealous to hear that Kate was putting so much thought into Sawyer. Now he felt almost grateful that both people had someone who understood them so well.

"You must..." he finally said, bitting his lip hesitantly, "You must care for him a great deal."

It was a simple statement. Not an accusation, not a demand for an answer. Just a simple observation from an outsider. There was a line of regret in the doctor's voice, but in the end it was mostly acceptance. Kate wasn't his, even if he ever thought she was, it was clear now that he was not what she needed.

Kate looked back up at him, meeting his eyes for the first time that evening. Somehow she managed to keep her voice steady. He hadn't said the word, but Kate knew full well what he was implying. "It's too late for that, Jack, far too late. Too much has happened to us. I don't think," she took a deep breath, cutting herself off, "I don't know if either of us are capable of that emotion."

Jack wasn't ure how he should feel about what he'd just heard. "If you need anything…"

Kate gave him a sad smile. "Nothing you can give, Jack."

He nodded slowly left her standing on the beach, returning to the other survivors. Kate took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as her hand tightened around the letter. She looked at the sky and noticed that the night had prepared a full moon for her. For better or worse, a part of her old life had just washed away with the tide.


	2. Part 2

**_Author's Note:_** I decided to split this into three parts instead of two. Hope it works out this way. As always, reviews are much loved.

* * *

Wandering through the jungle was not safe when the sun was high, but walking through after dark was a plea for trouble. Kate wasn't even sure where she was going. Her feet simply wandered along with her mind, and the darker her thoughts became, the faster she began to run. Twigs and leaves flew past her, cutting her bare shoulders and leaving a thin trail of blood across her cheek. Kate didn't even feel it.

She didn't know what she was running from. There were police on the island, no feds, no authority but that of nature itself, but Kate felt as if the hounds of Hell itself were after her. So she kept running. It didn't matter where or how long it would take, she just had to keep running and don't stop. Never stop.

_Whachya doin' with that there pistol, Katie girl..._

Whisperers. There were whispered all around her. The air was saturated with voices from the past, voices Kate struggled so desperately to forget. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. The rules of the real world didn't apply here. They didn't even belong. If the Island truly meant a second chance, why was it doing this to her?

_Kathrine... Oh God! Kathrine, what did you do..._

Voices. Too many voices. All so angry, accusatory, and treacherous. They mocked and tormented her with memories she should have never been forced to endure in the first place. They didn't let up, so Kate ran faster and deeper into the jungle.

Suddenly there was a gust of wind, and Kate was forced to stumble to a halt as she felt that wind literally steal the breath from her body. She gasped for air, listening intently. But when the wind was gone, it seemed to take the ghost-like whispers with it. Only one sound remained in the air, and it took Kate a moment to realize that for once it wasn't just in her head. Someone was humming.

Walking slowly, she made her way through the bushes and trees before finally realizing where she was. She was surprised that the unknown humming reached her ears first, but a wistful smile touched her lips when she saw the waterfall and pond. Lit by the light of the full moon, it looked different than the first time she saw it. The water shimmered, reflecting the stars, and the entire clearing had a sense of surrealism to it. The sight was truly breathtaking.

Kate couldn't help but feel a wave of sad nostalgia wash over her. There was only one other person who knew about this place, and he was not likely to share it with her ever again. It occurred to her, that she never told anyone else about the waterfall, not even Jack. Kate suspected that even when she hadn't considered it, she'd always thought of this place as something that belonged only to her and Sawyer, like a privet little secret they shared. Jack didn't need to know. No one else needed to know. It was a place just for the two people who didn't belong.

She slowly circled the edge of the pond before nearing the rocks, which were always wet from the splashes from the waterfall on their left. She regarded them sadly, almost seeing the ghosts from just a few weeks ago laughing and diving from those rocks into the cool water. Just for that one afternoon, she'd been happy.

The soft humming returned, as Kate finally realized that the sound was coming from just at the very edge of the waterfall where the pond water was only a few feet deep but the sprays still reached the ground. Sawyer was sitting on one of the rocks, much more calm than he was on the beach. He looked somewhat like one of Rodina's statues, Kate mused, at the same time recognizing that he had been the one humming. She wanted to talk to him, but Kate was honestly not sure if he'd calmed down enough to even begin to listen. Mere hours had passed, and Kate didn't know if she should be the one to start any conversation or let him have his space and come to her when he was ready. But what if he'd never be ready? What if he's lost to her forever?

In the end, she decided to give him his space. Kate turned to leave, but his voice reached her before she could even move. "He took my name, didn't he?"

"What?" she wasn't sure if she'd heard him correctly. Kate slowly turned to face him, and was surprised to see that Sawyer was looking directly up at her from his place on the rock.

"He took my name," the southerner repeated, "jus' like I took his."

"How did you know?" Kate was genuinely curious.

"Been wracking my brain for the longest time," he admitted, pushing himself from the rock and shoving his hands in the pockets of the jeans. "First time it hit me, thought maybe ya mighta lied from the start. Thought maybe ya always knew, an' jus' didn' bother ta tell me."

"I never lied to you, James," she said insistingly.

"Sure ya have," he shot back roughly, and she visibly flinched, "but not about this. 'Cause when I actually stopped ta use my head, I realized I ain't Jack. I can always tell when yer liyin'. So what else could it be? And then it hit me. My name. When I told ya my real name, ya looked like ya got hit in the gut with a bowlin' ball. Musta meant only one thing: ya heard the name before."

Kate nodded. He was right of course, and even though she didn't understand everything, Kate didn't dare to ask him. While she could usually read him so well, at the moment, Sawyer was too volatile. Kate had never been afraid of him before; no matter how angry he got, his anger had always been internalized. Of all the people on the island, Sawyer hated himself the most. At least, that's what she would have said a few hours ago.

"Couldn'ta been that hard really," he shrugged. "An eight-year-old kid's not gonna miss his name or social security number till it's time for him ta drive. Franks Sawyer was a wanted con man, but James Ford? No one knew who the hell he was. Made it the perfect identity theft. Betchya he didn't even care who's name it was he stole. How damn sick is that?"

There was silence between them, as Kate waited for him to say something. She felt like she was standing on needles, waiting for him to explode at any moment, even if he looked a lot more calm than she expected. What scared her the most wasn't his anger, but her inability to predict his actions. He was simply too shocked and hurt to think rationally, but where she could usually foresee his reaction, Kate felt as if she was walking into something completely blind.

"How old were you?" he asked finally. Sawyer was sure he could do the math, but his mind was simply too overloaded to even attempt the simple arithmetic.

"Six... sixteen," she replied, slightly confused by the question.

"Sixteen," he repeated, as if saying it made it more real. "That woulda made me 'bout twenty five."

"He was... he was my step-father," she began, talking quickly, "and..."

"What'd he do?" he asked, interrupting her, "Musta been somethin' bad, for ya to shoot the guy."

_No... any question but that_, her internal voice cried out, but she couldn't make a sound. _Please, James, don't make me answer it..._ Kate's head shot up instantly, and her wide eyes stared directly at him. She didn't need to utter a single sound; the terrified look on her face told him everything. Unlike her, he'd never lost the ability to read her reaction, and at the moment the she may as well have been screaming in pain. Except that's not how Kate was. She didn't scream: she simply went numb.

"Oh God," his hand covered his mouth, and if Sawyer thought he was going to be sick earlier at the beach, that was nothing compared to the nausea he was feeling now. Sawyer shook his head in disbelief, running a hand through his blond strands. "He did that to a sixteen-year-old kid... I'm sorry."

The words were whispered so softly that Kate almost didn't hear him. Her questioning gaze scanned over his face searching for any sign that she'd misheard him, but he couldn't meet her eyes.

"Wha.. what?" her voice was beginning to break. No matter how hard she tried to hold herself together, Kate was fighting a loosing battle.

"I'm sorry," he finally looked up at her, his own voice stronger and more determined. "I was twenty-five. I shoulda gotten ta him sooner. I'm sorry, Kate."


	3. Part 3

**_Author's End Note:_** The first time I wrote this, I messed up Sawyer's accent. We had a long discussion about it on Lost-Forum and I realized I made it too heavy. Of course this was also after **MistyX** pointed it out, so I do appreciate that. You were right. Hope it was better here. Special thanks goes out to Lost-Forum's **KatherineSawyer** for beta reading this for me. Hope you guys liked it.

* * *

Neither could look away, and Sawyer almost didn't notice when her bottom lip began to tremble, eyes filling to the brim with fresh tears. Before he could say anything, Kate's entire body began to shake, and she couldn't hold her own weight. Her head feel forward as she sank to her knees on the ground in front of him, mahogany hair cascading all around to cover her face. Kate wrapped her arms around her torso in a futile attempt to contain the convulsions, but it was no use. Her sobs, no matter how stifled, echoed in his ears over the roar of the waterfall. It was like listening to his parents fight all over again. Like listening to his father's gun go off for the third time. Kate's cries tore through him with tremendous force. 

"You're sorry? You're sorry for something someone else did years ago?" She wasn't just crying anymore. She was screaming at him. "My God, why do you do this to yourself? Why?"

No matter how hard she tried, Kate couldn't stop sobbing, even when she felt his hands grip her upper arms. No words were spoken as he helped her to her feet, and disregarding her fully dressed state, lead her down to the water. Her khakis grew heavy as they soaked though and her bare feet stumbled over the smooth rocks, but he never lost his gentle grip all the while keeping her balanced, never once letting her fall. Both waded into the water until it lapped against their hips and the spray of the waterfall drench their skin.

Any sexual tension between the two had all but disappeared momentarily. There was simply too much pain, too many emotions to deal with. Just for a few moments, Kate was completely dependent on him. Not just for balance, but she was honestly afraid of what would happen to her if he decided he couldn't deal with this and leave. But he didn't. Kate had broken down, and he hadn't abandoned her.

She was dimly awarer of his hands on her face, gently wiping away her tears with the pads of his thumbs, washing them away with the cool water from the waterfall. She drew in a sharp breath, as something deep inside her began to relax and let go. When she could no longer feel the difference between her tears and the water, Sawyer's hands moved to her shoulders. He washed away the sweat and dirt, lifting years of guilt and fear and pain, drowning it all in the roar of the waterfall.

Slowly she stopped shaking and even managed to rest her palms against his chest, still breathing heavily. Sawyer's fingers laced through her wet curls, and he tilted her head to make her look at him. Her moss green eyes still held a great deal of sadness, but they were clear now, filled with understanding and acceptance. He never asked if she was alright, but Kate never expected him to say the words aloud. She nodded none the less and he led her back to shore.

They built a fire in silence, and when Sawyer sat on a rock next to the flames, Kate settled down next to him. They didn't touch, but the closeness allowed them to feel the heat from each other's bodies as well as that of the fire and somehow that was enough.

"It's over," Kate whispered finally, the idea sounding almost surreal on her lips. "It's finally over."

"Maybe." Sawyer didn't sound as confident. "but I'm not gonna lie to you, this ain't gonna be easy on either of us." Kate looked up at him, as he sighed and shook his head elaborating. "This ain't a fairytale, Freckles. I'm not good ol' dependable Jack, never pretended to be. You sure you want to get involved with someone as screwed up as me?"

The question hung in the air for a long heavy moment. He was asking so much more than that one fairly simple question. Did she really want to deal with someone as damaged as she was when there was someone as stable as Jack to turn to? Kate saw a crease of worry cross his brow, and realized just how much he needed her. If she turned him away, he would fall apart. But whether he realized it or not, this was a two way dependency: she needed him just as much as he needed her. Kate smiled, placing her hand over his.

"I don't want a fairytale," she replied honestly, instantly feeling the tension leave his body, "Fairy tales aren't real. This," she squeezed his hand in comfort, "is real, James. It's not pretty and it's not perfect, but it _is_ real."

Sawyer nodded thoughtfully, and she could see how relieved he was. In the end, his worst fear was the same as her own: neither could bear the thought of the other one abandoning them. They weren't star crossed lovers. She was no princess to be rescued, and he was no knight in shining armor. They were just two people brought together by the most tragic of circumstances. Life had left them scared beyond recognition by the outside world, but in each other they saw something neither had for a long time: hope.

Kate's left hand brushed over something on the ground, and she picked it up in curiosity. It was that letter. The thin piece of paper that seemed to put all their pain into words. Her hands began to tremble, but Sawyer quickly took a hold of it, and the shaking stopped. She let out a calming breath, and regarded him for a long moment.

"We're going to have to do something about this," Kate said quietly.

Sawyer reached out and took the letter from her. He read it over once more, the old pained look flashing across his face, then turned it over to the blank side and reached for a pen. Wordlessly he handed it to Kate, and holding his own hand over hers, they began to write. Everything they held inside them, all the anger and pain of the past, was poured into one final letter.

_Dear Mr. Sawyer,_

_You don't need to know who we are, because we are not the only ones. We are just two of the countless lives you've detroyed. You prayed on the week solely for your own personal gain. This is what makes you a monster._

_But it was us who gave you power. The power to haunt us ten years after your death. We were the ones who kept you in the limbo of our minds. You became such a large part of our lives, that it was hard to see where you ended and we began. _

_It doesn't matter who started it. It's time to bury it._

_Good-bye, Mr. Sawyer,_

_Kathrine Austin & James Ford_


End file.
